Better sex after menopause: It doesn't have to be a myth

You've probably heard that the crazy hormone changes which occur with menopause make women feel unsexy and un-sex-worthy. Sometimes sex hurts, sometimes it just doesn't feel good anymore. But did you know that some women feel sexier after menopause? Some want to get between the covers more than before, others have better orgasms. Even if you haven't heard it before, it's true.

So don't throw in the towel. There are many ways that you and your partner can feel sexy and have great sex during and after menopause.

Flushed and anxious: Hotheaded woman in the city

Before you can feel sexy, you need to feel comfortable. But menopause can cause symptoms like hot flushes and mood swings, which make women decidedly uncomfortable. If you're already having trouble feeling sexy, a sleepless night caused by night sweats, a face full of perspiration, or a temper flare are unlikely to make things better.

However, the hot flushes and mood swings that occur with menopause are treatable, so talk to your GP about the options. Many of the symptoms of menopause have similar causes – hormone changes – and the treatments for these changes are often effective for relieving a range of symptoms (including sexual dysfunction!). So treating other symptoms can help improve your sex life.

For more information, see Hot Flushes and Mood Swings.

Try a bit of TLC

Besides treating other menopausal symptoms, there are many other strategies that can improve your sexual functioning. Be sure to give yourself some special attention and tender loving care (or get a bit off your partner). Relax and look after your body by exercising regularly, sleeping, and eating well. You might even want to treat yourself to a bit of erotic literature or a sex toy to get yourself in the mood. Or try some intimate time with your partner which doesn't involve sex – you may just find you can't hold yourselves back.

Boost your self esteem

It's hard to feel sexy if you don't feel good about yourself and your body. Your mind can play tricks on you, especially if you're gaining weight, as women naturally do in menopause. Make sure you're surrounded by friends who support you and boost your self-esteem. If you need a bit of extra support, try a counsellor or other health professional, or join a group that does something you consider important.

It takes two to tango

If you've got issues with your intimate partner, these will contribute to problems with sex, so make sure you talk about them, or see a professional like a sex therapist. Don't be afraid to change sex, either. As long as you're being safe, you can have fun with your partner, even just by giving each other relaxing massages and being naked together. Do things that make you laugh, or even make you blush, but only do penetrative sex if it feels sexy.

For more information, see Sex Therapy.

Let's not forget it takes two to tango, and a man's sexual function influences a woman's. If your man is ageing like you, he's at greater risk of sexual dysfunctions such as low sex drive and erectile dysfunction. These are treatable conditions, so drag your man to the doctor and make sure he sorts out his half of the equation.

The brain is the sexiest organ of all

Don't forget, the brain is the sexiest organ of all. If you don't think about sex, you won't feel like having it. It's also important to have sex – just like all other muscles, the muscles of the sexual organs need a bit of exercise. If you don't have a partner (or don't feel like involving one), don't worry. Masturbation will tone your muscles (and keep them elastic and well lubricated) in exactly the same way as sex with a partner.

Back in the saddle

Sex may not happen automatically or easily after menopause, but it can happen. Make sure your partner is doing his or her bit. Keep thinking about it, keep trying to do it in different ways and you're likely to see some improvements. Even if it's been a while, you won't forget what you're doing.

After all, it's just like riding a bike – only better.

More information